Out of the love and respect I have for my husband I wanted to share a note he posted on facebook today...lots of you have read it, so I apologize if it's a "re-read" but I guess I wanted to add my feelings to it, so here it is:
Well it's late and I’m up working late again. It’s not terribly exciting what I do, fixing networks, rebuilding Raid Arrays, or inoculating viruses from computers or is that computers from viruses. Even my writing isn't that exciting. I’m not a writer, I’m not a poet. I do like writing music though as well as singing with my guitar. So perhaps I’m just a guitar playing singer song writer. Sounds alright to me. Anyways it's late. And I am just finishing up some work before bed comes and I looked at the date.
It’s September 17th.
Not a particularly special day to most. But to me it happens to be one. In about 3.5 hours, it will be 13 years since my mother died.
I remember it well and I won't go on about it but it was a Sunday morning. Mom was taken to the hospital a few hours in the day before. She was desperately ill. I remember what seemed to be a constant flow of morphine bottles going into her bedroom while she attempted a Hospice death. It didn't last. It was too hard to pretend you are happy to die I suppose.
Someone woke me up in the morning at around 6:30AM to tell me that she had died... death..... gone.................... It was a terrible morning.
I know that this is such old news to some and most are wondering why someone would put this on facebook. The only answer I have is that this is who I am now. I’ve had to deal with much more than this throughout my years and this sort of exposure has been the only vent I know.
I am cheerful by habit most of the time. But on September 17th I am trying to take a little time for myself.
I've written a few songs over the years, the one I have always tried not to ever perform is a song called Kiss Goodbye. It’s terribly sad. It’s about this day. Today, the day she left without a goodbye kiss. 13 years ago. A terrible Day.
I've decided to include this song however on my album. I've recorded it now in the studio; it's a slow song, a slow story.
For you all to know, she was an incredible woman. She came to every single one of my opening night performances, sick or not sick. She said a few times she wanted to come to more but her body wouldn't let her. She used to drive me into Vancouver for auditions in between her visits to St. Paul’s hospital. Even when she was sick and could barely speak through her morphine induced pain relief, she said she loved me, and she said she was proud of me.
Her body didn't last in the end; it died to the aids even with the treatments. What a terrible day.
I pause while I write this note here on the book of faces to hold my face and stave off complete tears. This has always been a hard day. Every year. I have often wanted it to get easier, but it doesn't. It just gets less complicated.
I love my family. My wife, my extended and my own little ones. And have often thought that my mom will get to meet them all someday in our future.
I wish I had some kind of joke or story that would make me feel better and perhaps you as well. Perhaps something like, what do you call a blonde with two brain cells, pregnant, or I know a guy named John Hancock. I mean those are pretty funny right.
But alas I must close.
It’s been 13 years. Long years. Too long.
I guess I'll say this to close, that if you still have a mother, or a father. That you should remember September 17th. Remember it as a day to remember what you have. I know I do. I think about all the wonderful blessings I have been given and how wonderful truly my children are, and what an amazing, loving, beautiful, caring, supporting, sexy wife I have. I think about those things as well on this day. About the things I love and have still. You should think of what you have, and give your mother a big hug. I have lost my mother but still have incredible substitutes like:
Wendy fleet
Angela palfrey
Angela palfrey
Laurel palfrey
Karen Obrien,
Elaine Noftle
Incredible women that I love and that for some reason love me as well.
I hope this message leaves you well. cuz I feel an H'load better than I did when I started.
Fowler
I just wanted to add how blessed I am to be married to a man who loved, and continues to love, his Mother as deeply as Jared. I never had the fortune of knowing his Mom before she passed away...I came along around 7 months after she passed, but so many people knew her...and every single one of them loved her. Ever since I met Jared, when he would introduce me to someone, be it friend, family or just acquaintance...I would hear over and over how wonderful Lois was. How she made others laugh, and feel so loved. That's how Jared is...boy am I glad he had a mother who blessed him with humour, and unconditional love...who raised him to KNOW he was so special and so talented. He passes those traits onto our children...and that is a blessing to both them and me. I love Lois...she gave me my husband, and all the beautiful things I love about him I know came from her. I have a secret hope that when the day comes...I hope Jared passes before me...because I don't want him to ever have to experience that depth of loss again in this life. However...I'm sure that most of us would prefer to pass together with our eternal companion...that's how my grandparents passed.
I love you Jared...and I thank your Mom for blessing you with all the traits that I fell in love with so many years ago...and continue to love every minute of every day, for this moment and for all eternity. I love you.
Well it's late and I’m up working late again. It’s not terribly exciting what I do, fixing networks, rebuilding Raid Arrays, or inoculating viruses from computers or is that computers from viruses. Even my writing isn't that exciting. I’m not a writer, I’m not a poet. I do like writing music though as well as singing with my guitar. So perhaps I’m just a guitar playing singer song writer. Sounds alright to me. Anyways it's late. And I am just finishing up some work before bed comes and I looked at the date.
It’s September 17th.
Not a particularly special day to most. But to me it happens to be one. In about 3.5 hours, it will be 13 years since my mother died.
I remember it well and I won't go on about it but it was a Sunday morning. Mom was taken to the hospital a few hours in the day before. She was desperately ill. I remember what seemed to be a constant flow of morphine bottles going into her bedroom while she attempted a Hospice death. It didn't last. It was too hard to pretend you are happy to die I suppose.
Someone woke me up in the morning at around 6:30AM to tell me that she had died... death..... gone.................... It was a terrible morning.
I know that this is such old news to some and most are wondering why someone would put this on facebook. The only answer I have is that this is who I am now. I’ve had to deal with much more than this throughout my years and this sort of exposure has been the only vent I know.
I am cheerful by habit most of the time. But on September 17th I am trying to take a little time for myself.
I've written a few songs over the years, the one I have always tried not to ever perform is a song called Kiss Goodbye. It’s terribly sad. It’s about this day. Today, the day she left without a goodbye kiss. 13 years ago. A terrible Day.
I've decided to include this song however on my album. I've recorded it now in the studio; it's a slow song, a slow story.
For you all to know, she was an incredible woman. She came to every single one of my opening night performances, sick or not sick. She said a few times she wanted to come to more but her body wouldn't let her. She used to drive me into Vancouver for auditions in between her visits to St. Paul’s hospital. Even when she was sick and could barely speak through her morphine induced pain relief, she said she loved me, and she said she was proud of me.
Her body didn't last in the end; it died to the aids even with the treatments. What a terrible day.
I pause while I write this note here on the book of faces to hold my face and stave off complete tears. This has always been a hard day. Every year. I have often wanted it to get easier, but it doesn't. It just gets less complicated.
I love my family. My wife, my extended and my own little ones. And have often thought that my mom will get to meet them all someday in our future.
I wish I had some kind of joke or story that would make me feel better and perhaps you as well. Perhaps something like, what do you call a blonde with two brain cells, pregnant, or I know a guy named John Hancock. I mean those are pretty funny right.
But alas I must close.
It’s been 13 years. Long years. Too long.
I guess I'll say this to close, that if you still have a mother, or a father. That you should remember September 17th. Remember it as a day to remember what you have. I know I do. I think about all the wonderful blessings I have been given and how wonderful truly my children are, and what an amazing, loving, beautiful, caring, supporting, sexy wife I have. I think about those things as well on this day. About the things I love and have still. You should think of what you have, and give your mother a big hug. I have lost my mother but still have incredible substitutes like:
Wendy fleet
Angela palfrey
Angela palfrey
Laurel palfrey
Karen Obrien,
Elaine Noftle
Incredible women that I love and that for some reason love me as well.
I hope this message leaves you well. cuz I feel an H'load better than I did when I started.
Fowler
I just wanted to add how blessed I am to be married to a man who loved, and continues to love, his Mother as deeply as Jared. I never had the fortune of knowing his Mom before she passed away...I came along around 7 months after she passed, but so many people knew her...and every single one of them loved her. Ever since I met Jared, when he would introduce me to someone, be it friend, family or just acquaintance...I would hear over and over how wonderful Lois was. How she made others laugh, and feel so loved. That's how Jared is...boy am I glad he had a mother who blessed him with humour, and unconditional love...who raised him to KNOW he was so special and so talented. He passes those traits onto our children...and that is a blessing to both them and me. I love Lois...she gave me my husband, and all the beautiful things I love about him I know came from her. I have a secret hope that when the day comes...I hope Jared passes before me...because I don't want him to ever have to experience that depth of loss again in this life. However...I'm sure that most of us would prefer to pass together with our eternal companion...that's how my grandparents passed.
I love you Jared...and I thank your Mom for blessing you with all the traits that I fell in love with so many years ago...and continue to love every minute of every day, for this moment and for all eternity. I love you.
2 comments:
Aww.
I'm sorry Jared had to lose his mom when he did, but what a blessing it is to him to appreciate even more the women in his life, especially the mom that he had. Most of us take that for granted. You're one fortunate woman Angie.
Love you guys!
Hey, how are you? Sorry for Jared's loss, I remember talking with him about loosing my dad, it's really hard! You have a cute blog and holy, i can't believe you have 5 kids!
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